


Of Sweet Kisses and Silent Promises

by umiwomitai



Category: YG Entertainment | YG Family, iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, but it ends well, kinda angsty, not really that fluffy actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umiwomitai/pseuds/umiwomitai
Summary: It's only silences, it's only meaningless words, it's only thoughtless touches. But the kisses... Little kisses, that are nothing for one, though so much for the other one.





	Of Sweet Kisses and Silent Promises

**Author's Note:**

> I finally found the motivation to translate my own works in English so here we go with the first one.  
> This is an idea from my best friend, a story where two friends often give each other kisses but one of them actually falls for it.  
> It's not much but I wanted to write for this pairing because OneBin need more appreciation!  
> I don't really know what to tag this since there isn't much plot so really it's just fluff and kisses and Jaewon thinking too much.

« Are you and Hanbin… friends? »

This was a question he had heard many times already, and he had answered just as much with a mechanical ‘ _yes_ ’. And every single time, no one would add a word, probably too afraid to satisfy their own curiosity.

Even though no one really knew why, Hanbin was considered as someone you shouldn’t get near to. He was odd, sullen, clumsy, clingy.

Or so he had heard when he first arrived.

The day he arrived in the company, when he had introduced himself to every member of the staff, they had all been very welcoming with him. All of them. Hanbin included.

Hence the day after, when he arrived for lunch and everybody was sitting at the same table except for one person, he asked about it. He had just been genuinely surprised not to see the young man who had been so nice with him the previous day.

“Hanbin? Why would you ask about him?”

Abashed and not knowing what to answer to that, he had remained silent. The conversation had kept on without him. After this day, he swore never to mention him anymore in front of his co-workers.

However, he remained curious about him: he wanted to know why this man, who was obviously a very good worker and a respectful person, was outcast by the others.

Although odds weren’t with him, he tried his best at getting close to him. They weren’t part of the same team, Hanbin being in the production team and him being a sound engineer. He couldn’t easily use work as a motive to his visiting him.

This was exactly what Hanbin had told him the first time he came to see him.

“What,  _why_?”

“Why are you sitting here with me?”

“Why not?” Jaewon had simply answered with a soft smile on the lips, before going back to eating his now-cold lunch.

This was how it all started for them. After that, lunch was always a moment he looked forward to as Hanbin had agreed to spend this time with him. Even during the events the company organised, they would find each other and eat together. Jaewon still got along well with his co-workers, but he would never feel the need to spend time with them more than required by his job.

Everything was different with Hanbin. It had always been. They started with eating together, and then, Hanbin started to wait for Jaewon at the café on the other side of the street. After that, they started to go back home together, Hanbin getting off one stop before him. Actually, it wasn’t much. But it was enough.

The first he had been asked about his friendship with Hanbin, it was coming from their youngest colleague, Myeonghwa. At the time, she had just arrived in Hanbin’s department, and though she seemed like a perfectly nice person, she mostly wanted to be appreciated by the majority. Jaewon had been doing very well at avoiding her and her noisy manners.

“I was wondering… do you know Hanbin really well?”

“Yes.”

“So,” she started, looking at him in the eyes, “is he your friend?”

Bluntly, he had said ‘ _yes_ ’ again, before raising his eyebrows at her. She was being annoyingly curious, but thankfully didn’t say anything more about it. He was still sure she had meant to ask more but got deterred by his attitude.

But this started to make him wonder too. He had never questioned their relationship much before that. He had no one to tell about it. His colleague would avoid the subject. His mother knew he was a colleague, period. His friends didn’t even know about him. He never talked about his job.

He never really talked about Hanbin either, not even to him. The moments spent with him were full of silences and smiles, of music and looks, of soft laughter and small touches.

Thinking about it now, he was realising it wasn’t much. No enough to consider themselves friends. And yet, here they were. Those healing moments spent with an important person were the most precious to Jaewon. They were so precious he was sometimes afraid he would ruin it all.

Work was always busy and noisy.

At his parents’, though they were mostly silent, he was crushed by their questions, and the looks asking those that weren’t pronounced out loud.

With his friends, it was only frivolous and humorous, but far from peaceful.

At home… At home, he was at ease, he could let go and be himself, with every thought flying away. But he was alone.

He hated being alone.

With Hanbin, it felt just like home, with the same comfort he would get from his mother but without the questions and the occasional criticism. He had no idea where it was coming from, but Hanbin was always considerate with him. Not delicate, not really, but for some reason he would say the right words and make the right moves when Jaewon truly needed it.

However, he was almost sure it wasn’t his intentions because Hanbin wasn’t really good with people. He would often stammer and chose the wrong words when speaking, was clingy and a little too much, and when he wasn’t talking nonsense, he would let long and awkward silences stretch until he found something worth mentioning.

That was the only reason Jaewon had found about why their co-workers were avoiding him.

He wasn’t bothered by any of this. He would talk enough to fill Hanbin’s silences, he was just as clingy and his clumsiness was completing Hanbin’s. Nothing about him could make him hate him.

Or maybe the kisses.

The _kisses._

They were only soft kisses, left on his cold cheeks, at the bottom of his neck, on the tattoos of his arms. Simple and meaningless spurts of affection. This was what Hanbin was made of, he knew it because he saw him act the same way with his friend Jinhwan and his little sister. He didn’t have the heart to tell him how much it was troubling him.

Honestly, he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself. Telling Hanbin was out of the question.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you and Hanbin friends?”

“Yes,” Jaewon muttered without looking up from his plate. He already knew were this was heading to.

“How long has it been? Did you two meet here?”

This time though, he did look up from his plate.

There was background noise coming from somewhere in the room, but neither him nor his colleague was actually paying attention before. Now he only felt like silence was suffocating. He needed someone to interrupt this conversation. Right now.

He simply didn’t know what to answer. Everyone would have answered something generic and blunt like “Around three months”. This question was so easy, so simple, why couldn’t he make any word come out of his mouth?

When had they started being _friends_? When had he mentioned him to his mother? When had Hanbin started touching him as much as he wanted? When had he decided to let Hanbin kiss him again, and again, and again, without ever _thinking_ about protesting?

When had he started to fall in love?

His face immediately turned red at the realisation. A fake laugh escaped from his throat as he avoided the question. Quickly, his lunch was packed and he left the room to lock himself up in his studio. He was on the verge of panic.

He had been hit hard, without warning, and nothing could have saved him from the feelings the realisation had brought along.

“Fuck… Fucking hell.”

He wanted to cry. He wanted to go home, curl up in his bed and sleep for year until Hanbin’s memory was totally erased from his mind. For good.

He wanted to forget. To go back in time, and never to answer this dumb question that should never had been asked. It was none of their business, it was merely between Hanbin and him. Others didn’t know. Others shouldn’t know.

His shaking hand went up to ruffle his own hair, a frail attempt at staying calm. He still had a lot of work and couldn’t afford to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the day.

 

* * *

 

 

He had invited Hanbin for tonight. There was an old movie they both wanted to watch on TV that night, so they had decided to watch it together.

He was starting to regret this invitation, and even considering cancelling. But he couldn’t get himself to do it. Hanbin hadn’t stopped talking about the movie since he had learned it would be broadcasted again.

All he needed to do was act normally… As usual. How was he usually acting? He couldn’t remember, he could only feel himself becoming a ball of nerves. His anxiety was running back toward him.

Hanbin was making him nervous.

Fuck.

How could a single thought ruin everything? He was going back to his old self, the Jaewon from not so long ago who would get anxious about anything and everything, even though Hanbin had always made him feel safe.

He sat on the floor, his back against his couch. Trying desperately to calm himself down, he curled up on himself and closed his eyes. His breathing slowed down a little with every intake of air.

“It’s nothing… It’s only Hanbin right? Only Hanbin. The same as before, and the same me. Everything is gonna be alright.”

This was how he had learnt to calm down, focusing on every single word his shaky voice was muttering. It would work most of the time.

It worked this time.

A knock was heard, then a second, and he got up. Hanbin was here. He opened the door with his most beautiful smile faintly covering the traces of his breakdown.

“I brought take-out. All okay?”

“Yeah, great.”

His voice croaked the second word, but he covered it with a cough. He was internally praying for Hanbin not to notice anything. Or at least, that he would be nice enough to keep it to himself.

Of course, he said nothing. He was always like this with Jaewon. Always the same.

Why couldn’t he be the same, then?

 

* * *

 

“Jaewon?”

“Hm?”

They were curled up on the couch, close but not touching. Hanbin made a move to get closer and put his head on Jaewon’s shoulder. The movie was over now, the credits were rolling down the screen. The only sources of light were the TV screen and a candle on top of the coffee table.

Jaewon’s eyes were stuck on the screen. He was trying his hardest not to think about Hanbin heartbeats he could feel against his skin, but his mind wouldn’t stop bringing all these kisses he had left on him back to the surface.

All these little kisses, that didn’t mean a thing, but told more than words.

All these little kisses, soft like air, but heavy with meaning.

All these little kisses, that he had never paid attention to, but had nonetheless managed to reach the bottom of his heart without his noticing.

These kisses he was expecting, desiring, more than anything else.

He wanted to feel them again, just because he was feeling so good when with Hanbin. He wanted to get drunk on this feeling. He felt himself boiling inside when Hanbin left a light kiss in the crook of his neck before speaking again.

“Are you fine today? You’re not speaking much.”

“You thought? I guess I was into the movie, sorry.”

“It’s nothing, I’m just worried. How was work today?”

Jaewon swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. His conversation with his colleague during lunch came back like a flash.

“What?”

“Work. Did it go well?” Hanbin repeated. He straightened to look at him better.

Jaewon could feel anxiety run along his spine twice as fast as the first time. His first thought was to push him away, far from him, to remain alone. But he didn’t proceed, too afraid to hurt Hanbin’s feelings. He couldn’t bear to upset him.

So, he didn’t move, didn’t say a thing, or else he could blurt out what should be kept unsaid and unknown.

Naturally, Hanbin leaned his head and put his hand on his forearm.

“Jaewon? Are you sure everything’s fine?”

“No…” he let out in a breath.

“Hey…”

Hanbin took his hands in his to turn him around and then put one of his hand on the nape of his neck. He pushed him against his chest and held him close.

None of them was really good at comfort, they were simply following their instinct. Strangely enough, Hanbin held him as tight as he could and left kisses in his neck, on his forehead. Strangely enough, Jaewon let him do so.

“Hey… are you fine?”

Jaewon nodded as best as he could with his head still against Hanbin’s neck.

“Do you want to, maybe… talk about it?”

In a breath, he parted from him and straightened against the armrest. He didn’t dare look at him, he’d rather focus on his fidgeting hands.

“It is serious?”

“Non” Jaewon answered with a broken voice.

He hated it when anxiety was taking over, but even after all this time, he couldn’t help it.

“So?”

“I’m…”

He breathed in, deeply. The smell of the candle reached it. It was mixed with Hanbin’s smell. It was intoxicating.

“I’m falling in love.”

Silence came back for a few seconds only to be broken by a voice coming from the speakers announcing the program for the rest of the evening. None of them was paying attention. Jaewon was mortified because of his own revelation, and Hanbin… He had a straight face. It was terrifying.

“Oh. Is she pretty?”

Suddenly, relief, panic, and honesty all rushed over his mind, making him raise his head and move his hands ridiculously in front of him.

“Ah, no, it’s not it! It’s not…”

“Not what?”

‘ _A girl’_. That was what he had been ready to say. ‘ _Not a girl, but you_ ’. Honestly, he couldn’t tell what was worst to admit: that he felt nothing for girls, or that he had feelings for him instead. Either one seemed too much.

“Not what, Jaewon?”

“It’s you.”

A sentence had never been so full of meaning and consequences. He watched as Hanbin’s face fell down in front of him. He was powerless as realisation was hitting him.

“Me?”

Jaewon didn’t add anything, because nothing needed to be. It was crystal clear for both of them.

Surprisingly, Jaewon noticed that Hanbin wasn’t pushing him away. Actually, he looked clueless. What was there to be clueless about? It was all so obvious now.

“You… you are falling in love with _me_?”

“Well, yeah?”

“Why? Why me?”

“What?”

“Why me? Nothing is special about me.”

That was it? Feeling relieved, Jaewon let a little laugh escape before speaking.

“Stop it Hanbin, you’re a fantastic person. I know what you think because of the guys at work who keep avoiding you. But sincerely, you’re worth so much more than them. You don’t judge, you’re generous, and honest, and thoughtful. And… I don’t know, I just feel so good when you’re here… Just… myself.” Jaewon murmured with a low voice and a small smile on the corner of his mouth. “You’re the only person that makes me feel free to be myself. And it feels so good, you can’t imagine. I guess it’s… the reason why…”

“The reason…”

“Yeah…”

“I see,” Hanbin said with a distant voice.

Nothing was added after that. They remained sat on the couch, looking at each other from time to time, with an old eighties’ movie as background noise. Then, somewhere, sometime, Hanbin reached out for Jaewon’s hands, and they cuddled together, finding comfort in each other’s warmth.

They didn’t talk about any of that afterwards, but just before falling asleep, Jaewon got closer to Hanbin and softly whispered:

“Can you kiss me again?”

 

* * *

 

 

Naturally, when Jaewon fell asleep just moments after, Hanbin lifted him to put him in his bed, kissed him on the cheek, before leaving but not without one of the biggest smile he ever had.


End file.
